Upgrades

I recently upgraded my I-Phone to OS4.0 and I strongly recommend that if you have a I-Phone that you do the same. There seem to be many advantages not least of which is the ability to tidy all those apps into neat little folders.

However, as ever, there is always seems to be a downside to most things I do and this time it was the inability to use my I-Phone as a tethered modem to my laptop (thus restricting my blogging activities). Updating the blog just by I-Phone is very tedious and wears my fingers (and patience) out. Apparently I had incompatible version I-Tunes on the laptop for my newly upgraded I-Phone. Easily solved methinks, I’ll just upgrade my laptop, but of course I now couldn’t use my I-Phone to connect to the internet in order to download the I-Tunes upgrade.

            We are in Henley. I am convinced that Weyward Lady is on a piece of elastic. We always seem to land up back in Henley. Not that we mind. Henley upon Thames must be quite the most beautiful riverside town on the Thames if not the most beautiful riverside town in the UK or maybe even the world. Anyway off I go, laptop in hand, into town in search of the internet. It was not my to stop people in the street and ask "Excuse me, but have you seen the internet?" so I had done a bit of investigation and I went straight to The Catherine Wheel which boasts free Wi-Fi.

“A pint of Brakspears and may I use your Wi-Fi?”

“There you are Sir, a nice pint of Brakspears but I am sorry to report that we do have Wi-Fi but it is broken. You could try The Three Tuns across the road”

So I down my pint and cross the road.

“Good afternoon, do you have Wi-Fi, yes, excellent. A pint of Brakspears please”.

“There you are Sir, a nice pint of Brakspears but I am sorry to report that I am new here and do not have the password. You could try the library, behind Waitrose on the other side of town.

So I down my pint and cross three roads.

Luckily the library does not sell beer. However having joined two different queues and a half an hour later I found out that they only had internet via a network and I had more chance of watching England win the FIFA World Cup than being allowed to plug my laptop into their network.

            So, thoroughly despondent,  I decide to give up.

On the way back to the boat I find myself passing my most favourite pub in Henley The Bell in Bell Street and, as you can imagine, by this time I was thirsty again.

“A pint of Brakspears and I don’t suppose, by any chance, you have Wi-Fi?

“Yes we do have Wi-Fi but I have to log you on. It’s not really for public use. “

“Fine” I say but my laptop refused to see the Wi-Fi. It turns out that the guy behind the bar used to run an internet café so although he really knew what he was doing he couldn’t fix it.

“Why don't I download the latest I-Tunes on to my laptop and transfer it over to you via a flash drive.” he offers.

“That’s really kind of you I say. Can I buy you a drink? Yes, excellent and I’ll have the same again.”

So he downloaded the latest I-Tunes and gave it to me on a USB drive which I plugged into my laptop and transferred the file. I don’t know why, but before I removed his drive I asked the guy to check that I hadn’t left any part of the file. It transpired that I-Tunes was still there, intacta and I had downloaded his weekly order spreadsheet!! I knew I should have gone to Specsavers!

Anyway, finally, after several roads crossed and several pints of Brakspears consumed, the upgrade worked, the I-Phone is now connected.

‘A Swingbridge Too Far’ blog is back in business. Watch this space!                                                                                   

Part Two

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water we have beaten you to it. Well on the water rather than in it.
Apologies for absence from this blog but POS jumped ship in Henley just before the start of Henley Royal Regatta leaving me alone with just Wayward Lady for company. Please note there is no 'a' in that sentence! If I could give you an hour by hour report of everything that happened I would, but to be honest a day by day report would be a struggle. Henley Royal Regatta and recall don't really fit into the same sentence. Suffice it to say, everyone tells me I had a great time!

Assisted by a very good friend we cast off from Henley on Saturday morning and was back on our moorings at Pyrford on Sunday evening. Part one of our adventure was over.

The following weekend was Classic LE Mans and that really deserves a blog of it's own especially the part where we came home on a low-loader. And before you say it neither the car nor me was Piston broke! It was just that the car developed a nasty case of incontinence, easily rectified later at home but not so easily at the roadside in France when it happened.

Anyway it is now then 2nd august and we are off again. This time our travels will be restricted to the Upper and Middle Thames. I don't suppose anything funny will happen and there will be nothing to 'blog about' but we shall see.
So please wish us 'Bon Voyage' and keep logging in for the next chapter of 'A Swingbridge too far' Cap'n Ed and POS

Ducks

I was lying in bed thinking could it be that Oxford ducks can't tell the time? Which bit of dawn chorus do they not understand? At 0400 this morning , as dark as dark can be ( after all the darkest hour is just before dawn) they,mob handed or perhaps should i say, mob web footed decided to try and eat Weyward Lady. Then I realised that last night we had Peking duck from Marks and Spencer (£9.50 to include half a duck, pancakes, plum sauce, cucumber, and spring onions and highly very delicious ) and the carcass was outside albeit in a bag. This obviously upset the duck population and this was their form of revenge.
No, and before anybody asks I do not know if they were Mandarin ducks!!!

The Butchers Arms

I wouldn't usually use my blog to criticise or promote a commercial establishment but I must tell you a quick story. My brother and Sylvie were coming from Dunmow to meet us for lunch yesterday and he had suggested The Wharf at Fenny Compton as a meeting and eating place. In an effort to find something a little better my very old Nicholson Book1 south mentioned the Butchers Arms at Preston Hardwick. It says nothing about it other than it can be accessed by path from Bridge 124 and to remember to shut all gates behind you.
Thinking this would be more fun than Fenny Compton, I called to book a table. Sorry restaurant closed on Saturday lunchtimes.
Never mind back to Plan A and The Wharf.
But Friday (the day before yesterday) we would be going under Bridge 124 so why don't POS and I give it a try anyway. A quick phone call secured us a table so at lunchtime we moored up and crossed the fields, dodging cows and shutting gates as we went. I took an old broom handle (my yet to be patented tiller extension) to protect POS in the event of an angry cow trying to take her on. Not that I needed to worry. With or without the stick the cow would have come second. Nothing comes between POS and her lunch.
When we arrived at our destination our flabber was well and truly gasted.

There, in this hamlet which appeared bereft of any living mortal soul, stood The Butchers Arms. Probably the prettiest pub I have seen and I have seen a few (and been thrown out of many) and set in the most beautiful gardens.
Fronted by the owner Leon, a man of Portuguese descent immaculately dressed in a blazer, slacks and a strong Iberian accent. Rather like Raymond Blanc he probably hasn't been home in years but is happy to retain the accent that adds mystery and authenticity to his character.
He was charming and made us feel most welcome greeting us like long lost friends but in a genuine way. He was well impressed, and relieved I think, when he realised we had come up from the canal but we had scrubbed up well.
He had stories to tell that would be the envy of many a raconteur. They mostly revolved around 70s characters such as Michael Heseltine and Julie Andrews but were very interesting.

He started The Butchers Arms about 37 years ago It still retains all the charm of a 70s restaurant both in decor and menu. For example, a sweet trolley where pineapes in Kirsch, oranges in Cointreau and profiterroles live happily alongside Portuguese rice pudding. I was a disappointed that there was no Steak Dianne or Crepes Suzette on the menu but there was Bouef Stroganov which I suppose is a bit like Steak Dianne and I am sure I could have had Crepes Suzette if I had asked!
Given there were three waiters (probably called Phillipe, Edouard and Henri) and two waitresses (Alice and Betty) this was not a small restaurant.

In this day and age where dining out seems to fall into fast food, ethnic food, nouveau cuisine drizzled in foam and leaving you hungrier than before you started and the phoney gastro-pub, it is refreshing to find a restaurant that has refused to update and in doing so has retained it's charm.It was near enough full and remembering to all tense and purposes it is in the middle of nowhere it seems to be giving the customer what they want. One couple we spoke to came from some way away but had been coming for 36 years. I completely understand why.

As Arnie once said "We will be back"
PS The Wharf was as expected and we had a very nice afternoon eating and drinking with Peter and Sylvie interspersed with doing the laundry in The Wharf's very fine if not a little expensive washing machine and dryer

Sent from my iPhone

A message to Brian travelling on Harnser

One of the not many readers of this unsolicited tosh is Brian travelling on Harnser. Well I saw Harnser yesterday and was going to stop and say hello but he wasn't travelling on it. Not surprised as the riparian work on the opposite bank was noisy to say the least. The space between Harnser and the IWB was very narrow but hand on heart I didn't hit either vessel! Still the banking will be very smart when it's done. The only problem is when I see a new bit of shiny camp- shedding I have this urge to moor against it. Some sort of terratorial thing! So if that is your permanent mooring Brian then maybe, if there are too many like me about, your peaceful solitude is coming to an end. I hope not for your sake.

Commandos, SAS and SBS all in one package.

If I was to tell you that my plan to descend the Hatton flight with a narrowboat full of commandos came to fruition you wouldn’t believe me, and you would be right.

But, and you knew there was a ‘but’ coming, as it happens, it went better than that.

As we turned out on to the Grand Union at 0930 this morning there in the distance was a narrowboat with two blokes on it. Two blokes almost certainly means two blokes plus two girlfriends/wives we think, so that’ll do!

As we got nearer to them, and we were rather naughtily hoofing it a bit to catch up, it became obvious that the narrowboat, festooned with England flags, had at least four if not more blokes on board. At this point we wondered whether we really wanted to go down with, what might turn out to be, a bunch of football hooligans.
However, just before the start of the flight they beckoned us passed.

“You go on ahead, because we don’t really know what we are doing and in fact we may turn and not even do the flight" says a man with "Big Ian" across his T-shirt.

As we went passed we realised what a mistake we had made. The boat turned out to be a charity trust boat and on board there were five blokes mostly able-bodied but some not quite so. We later found out there were three carers and two “service users” as they were called.

Just below the top lock there was a winding hole (pronounced wind as in “wind and rain”) where boats longer than the canal is wide, can turn. So we watched, expecting them to turn any moment but they DIDN’T. Hooray!!
So we rafted up together and did the flight in just over two and half hours, a very respectable time given we didn’t rush and most locks were set against us. Those genuinely good guys, with a help from PSO, worked really hard and deserve much more than the KitKat and cup of tea each, that PSO provided half way down, and the pint I bought them each after we finished. If they were half as tired as PSO and us after the trip, then everybody would sleep well tonight. PSO did a lot of opening and closing of gates and I do find tiller-waggling very exhausting!!

I really hope I meet them again some time. (the Caen flight, I hear you say?)

Hatton Flight near Warwick

Tomorrow Weyward Lady and her trusty crew Cap’n Ed and Pretty Officer Sue take on the Hatton flight, 21 broad, that means double width, locks in 71/2 miles although, more importantly, 15 of them in just1 mile. This will be the first broad lock flight we will have done since going up and down the Caen flight on the Kennet and Avon a couple of years ago and that nearly killed us!!


We have a cunning plan. We are going to fill up with water at the water point which is at the top of the flight (just before the first lock). We are going to finish taking on water, purely coincidentally, just as a single narrowboat goes past with a minimum of 4 people on it, or even better 6 commandos having a training weekend! And if a single narrowboat doesn’t come along, we’ll catch up with you all some time next year after we have devised an alternative route. Either that or we get done for loitering!

A Joke

We were chugging along the Avon towards Stratford and a mallard flew from the bank straight at POS's head. "Duck!" I said. She did and the duck, along with the joke, went right over her head. Talking of jokes it was 17 years ago today that Les,my wife is a sex object - I ask for sex and she objects, Dawson died. It was a sad day for British comedy.

Change of address

If you wish to contact Cap'n Ed or Pretty Officer Sue and have failed using the normal channels please try

The Pub

Tiddle Widdle Island

nr. Wyre Piddle

That has to be an address to beat most addresses !!

Tewkesbury

GeoTagged, [N51.99170, E2.15895]

Two things are worrying those aboard the Good Ship Weyward Lady
1) We are moored at Tewkesbury which stands at the conflence (you see Mr Wake, not all that O level geography you fed into me fell on stoney ground) of the Avon and the River Severn. Nearly three years ago Tewkesbury was the scene of massive flooding when both rivers burst their defences. Not 20 feet from where we are moored there is a plaque constantly reminding us of the flood level in July 2007, albeit a good 8 feet higher than today.
2) It hasn't stopped raining since we got here!

Sabrina Bridge

Last night we were moored by Sabrina Bridge in Worcester while visiting some old friends of POS.
I could not help wondering why it had been called Sabrina bridge. Research on the BBC Hereford and Worcester website describes the bridge as a suspension bridge built in 1981 and as a suspension bridge prone to 'bounce' I immeditely assumed it was therefore named after Sabrina, the ample-bosomed English glamour model of the fifties, (who had more than her fair share of bounce, her jumper was once described as resembling two little boys wrestling under a blanket) and that she must have been born or died near here. Imagine my disappointment when further research revealed Sabrina to be a boring old oriver goddess. I much prefer my version

Coincidences

Guess who we bumped into today, not literally I am happy to say!

Anchor's Away

Last night I went to the pub. "ooh er What's new? " I hear you mutter. Well I did, but it proved to be a very intersting pub. We had moored by Anchor bridge and probably should have guessed there was a pub nearby (probably called The Anchor). Anyway it was 6.30 and having battened down Weyward Lady's hatches for the night, the thought of a pint of God's nectar trickling past my pearly pink epiglottis was too much to refuse. So off I went in search of refreshment.
Having found the pub SHOCK and HORROR it was closed. A passing yokel was quick to point out, however, how lucky I was. "ooh aarh " he said ( yes they really do talk like that here albeit with an twinge of Brummie thrown in) "it's closed during the week so you're lucky it's Sunday and opens at 7.00.
At 7.10 because I would never like to be seen waiting outside a pub for it to open, so common, I entered the licences premises. Two steps and I was in the bar, three steps and I would have been in the Landlady's parlour. A small bar to my left with a few tables and chairs and a small bar to my right with two huge semi-circular pine benches placed around a roaring fire.
"A pint of your best bitter please" I requested. A glass jug was placed on the counter. I always prefer a jug anyway but normally have to ask. This was closely folllowed by a quart jug of frothy beer from which my jug was filled.
It appears that as a part of the recent modernisation process, 20 or so years ago a pump had been installed from the cellar to draw the beer up but Olive, the Landlady couldn't quite get the hang of it so continued to bring beer up from the cellar by jug, just as her mother had done, and her mother before that,since time immemorial.
It was first a pub in the early 1800s providing ale to thirsty canal barge people and has been in Olive's family since the early 1900s, resisting any type of change. Olive's daughter is already being schooled to take over.
History and tradition is the "new rock and roll".Never has a pint tasted so good!

The Elephant in the Room

We all know it's there but we choose not to talk about it. Cancer.
As Pretty Officer Sue and I return to our aquatic adventure it is with the sad knowledge that a good friend, and avid reader of this blog, has succumbed to the dreaded big 'C'.
Chris Pickering died last Monday at 4.00 pm.
Chris was a kind genourous man, loving husband to Ann and father to Charlotte and James,and a very dear friend to many, of which I am honoured to include myself.
Chris's conduct throughout was a great lesson to us all. Up to the very end he showed dignity and fortitude, never complaining about the unfairness of it all, but accepting it and making the very best out of an awful situation.
Along with his wicked sense of humour we will never forget Chris's love of rugby nor his dislike of soccer. I am sure it is no coincedence that the funeral clashes with the opening match in South Africa. Looks like he has the last laugh!
Chris, it was a real pleasure knowing you and may you rest in peace in that great marina in the sky.

Interlude

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQ4-hDKorQE&feature=related

There will now be a short Interlude whilst we visit our family and friends at home. The boat is nicely tucked up in a marina somewhere near Wales. I cannot be more specific in case there is some ne'er-do-well who might, useing the oppurtunity of a unattended boat, break in  and consume my last bottle of Champagne.

Canal Signs No 31

Maybe later

Cap'n Ed and Pretty Officer Sue go on the Steam Train (with apologies to the TOGS)

Today Cap'n Ed and Pretty Officer Sue go on the Llangollen Steam railway.
Do you like steam trains? Cap'n Ed does. See him skip down the road in his Armani overalls, Hermes red scarf and leather cap.
"I am going to do some last minute shopping " says PSO "You can stay here and look at the steam engine. Don't go wandering off. I won't be long"
Cap'n Ed is wandering around the station picking up old train tickets when he bumps into Mrs Bigadyke, the volunteer helper and footplate woman for the Llangollen Steam Railway.
"Hello Mrs Bigadyke" says Cap'n Ed
"Hello Cap'n Ed" says Mrs Bigadyke "are you going for a steam train ride today?"
"Yeth" says Cap'n Ed
"I am chief stoker today.Would you like to ride in the front engine with me. You could help me" says Mrs Bigadyke
"Oooh yeth please" says Cap'n Ed
"Well it's very hot work and I am going to buy an ice cream from the buffet before the signal changes and we have to go." says Mrs Bigadyke "would you like one"
"Oh no thank you Mrs Bigadyke. PSO says I am not allowed ice cream" says Cap'n Ed
"Well you can share some of mine if you are good and I'll not tell her" says Mrs Bigadyke

POS returns from the shops and Cap'n Ed can't wait to tell her he is going to travel in the front of the train.

"Well if that's the case I shall carry on with my shopping and see you when the train gets back" says POS

Cap'n ED joins Mrs Bigadyke on the foot plate.

"When the signal arm goes down we will sound both whistles and be on our way" says Mrs Bigadyke, "I might let you do that if, when we are short of steam, you help me put some coal into the boiler."
"Oh yeth Mrs Bigadyke, I will help with coal, that will be great fun, especially if I get to blow the whistles" says Cap'n Ed.
They had a wonderful time.

When they got back POS asked Cap'n Ed whether he had enjoyed himself.
"Oh yeth Pretty Officer Sue, I had a splendid time. Once Mrs Bigadyke gave me the all clear  I helped her get a good head up by putting a knob or two into her furnace. After that, as I had done so well, she let me play with her hooters and then, as a special extra treat, gave me a lick of her raspberry ripple.

Have you ever been hit with a coalman's shovel? Cap'n Ed has. Ouch! Poor Cap'n Ed

Wales

Tonight we are moored at Trevor or Trevzie as I expect it is known locally. In itself not a particularily famous place but it is the basin you land up in if you don't turn left at the end of the aquaduct. Which nicely links to the Aquaduct itself Anything about it's wonderment you may have heard is true and then some. It is not possible to tip the boat over the edge but neverless I clung to that tiller like it was a matter of life and death. I have to say I probably wouldn't do it again other than I have got to ( unless I want to leave the boat in Wales). I think not. I did see a couple of people wearing lifejackets. Why? Parachutes maybe.

Tilly gets her sea legs

After mooring up yesterday at the Jack Mytton near Ellesmere we put Tilly ashore as we usually do. Only this to
time she decided to charge up and down the towpath with the spirit of a racing greyhound. Then she did something she had never done before and that was to jump back on to the boat. The only problem was, much to the delight family on board, it was the wrong boat! She rushed below like some pirate raiding party and reemerged with the trophy of a pink bunny slipper in her mouth and shrieks of laughter from a six year old girl The girl was convinced Daddy had bought her a surprise puppy. Anyway one word from me and Tilly does exactly what she wants so attempts to catch her were futile. It required the authorative voice of POS to bring the situation under control. Nobody disobeys POS!

The Llangollen Canal

The Llangollen Canal or more technically the Shropshire Union Llangollen Branch is quite the most enchanting canal we've seen so far. It has already been full of delightful surprises and we haven't got to the "Big One" yet. Bring it on!!

Staircase Locks - I shall say zis only once!

When going down a staircase of 3 locks assuming they are all empty, fill the top lock by opening the paddles on the top gates. While the top lock is filling open the top gates of the middle lock or the bottom gates of the top lock and start to fill the middle lock to the marker. When the middle lock is half full or half empty depending on what sort of person you are, close the top paddles of middle lock or the bottom paddles of the top lock. Continue to fill top lock. When full, open gates and bring boat into top lock. Close gates. Open bottom top paddles or top middle paddles until levels in top and middle locks are the same. Open top bottom gates or middle top gates and move boat into middle lock. Close middle top gates or bottom top gates. Close top middle or top bottom paddles. Open bottom middle or top bottom paddles and fill bottom lock. When levels are the same in both the middle and bottom locks open the bottom middle gates or the bottom top gates and move boat into bottom lock. Close bottom middle or top bottom gates. Open bottom paddles and empty bottom lock. When level is th same as the external canal open bottom bottom gates and leave lock remembering to close bottom bottom gates after you have left. Got that?
Going up is even easier. make sure the top lock is full, the middle lock is full and the bottom lock is empty. Then go and find the very amiable lock- keeper!

The Anderton Lift - Answer

The clue was in the shape of the gear teeth. They were made by Monsieur Citroen (before his company later went on to build that car with the power of two horses and was capable of transporting farmers around their farms whilst still wearing a top hat. Although why or should I say " pourquoi" they would want to wear a top hat when farming has always confused me. The teeth design went on to become the Citroen motif

The Anderton Lift - interesting fact No 537

The cassions, the fancy french word for the thing I called the bath tubs, are raised and lowered by means of two £2 million pound Teflon coated rams. Using hydrolics, they can be operated independantly, but more economically they can be operated together each using the other as a cointerbalance. Originally before the use of hyrdolics, the lift worked by using large weights, gears and again counterbalance. I have attached a picture of one of the original gears. The year was the late 1800s. Can you guess who designed the gears? Answers tomorrow. Clue: the answer is in the picture.

Anderton Boat Lift ( or in our case lower)

GeoTagged, [N53.38184, E2.47741]

Yesterday we were promised rain in bucket loads by lunchtime so as it was sunny at 10 we decided to make an early start. I know what you're thinkng, 10 an early start? Well it is if you have dogs to walk and food shopping in the Spa to do. Man cannot live on love alone. Love Hearts maybe.

Anyway, we cautiosly left our Cheshire restaurant extravaganza food village in glorious sunshine wondering how long before the forecasted deluge would arrive. It stayed sunny ALL day. At one point we were a drive and a seven iron ( or, in my case at my standard of golf, four drivers (and maybe even an accidental kick if no one is watching) from the Manchester Ship Canal although we couldn't quite see it. We did 3 kinky tunnels (i.e.a tunnel with at least one bend sometimes more, in it so you cannot see the other end) of between a third and three quaters of a mile each and one lock. Quite an exciting day but not as exciting as today I hope.

Today we put Weyward Lady into a 70ft by 7ft steel bath and lower her 50ft down into the River Weaver. Why? Because we can.

Lymm

GeoTagged, [N53.38184, E2.47741]

We decided to break for the border and leave Manchester. It had stopped raining and was starting to look half decent. 20 minutes from Castlefield and, as the French say " Il pleut comme un vache qui pis" or something like that. We thought about turning back but voted against it. Good job as 20 minutes after that the sun came out. The days weather turned out to be like the curate's egg but overall tolerable. Anyway we found ourself in Lymm on the Bridgewater canal. What a strange place. Quite pretty about the same size as Ripley. Here's the rub though, it has a Spa grocers and a hairdresser which appears to only open at 1030 on a Thursday, and 4 pubs, and 11 restaurants, each one different, and a fish and chip shop and nothing else to speak of. POS and I have just had a most delicious Thai. I spoil her. If it continues to rain we are going to eat our way around the world.

Thinking of you

GeoTagged, [N53.38184, E2.47741]

You know who you are

Battened down

GeoTagged, [N53.47510, E2.25105]

Decided to stay put and wait for the rain to pass or at least ease. Good day for jobs. 3 loads in the local YHA washing machine means we have lots of clean things which is nice not just for us I suspect.

The Rochdale 9 are innocent (NOT)

We did 11 hours cruising today. Yes that's right 11 hours. POS decided she wanted to go through Manchester under the virtual cover of darkness or at least before the yobos and truants (or both) bother to get out of bed. So we left our mooring in Ashton at 0700 hrs this am. Approaching the mooring last night I had a fouled up screw (ooh er missus) and had to get my hand down in the weedhatch to remove various 'things' that had stopped the forward propulsion of Weyward Lady. At this point I could post a photograph of said gubbins but in the interests of all I will decline. Suffice it to say it's not a pleasant task. Anyway our plan today was to do 27 locks, 18 on the Ashton and then turning left on to the famous Rochdale 9 down into Manchester City proper. They have done a lot to rejuvenate the area but I have to say the architecture is a little odd. I thought the packing case style went out in the sixties!

The first 18 were just single locks and just a tad tedious to be honest. The canal itself was pretty dirty and all in all we were glad to get on to the Rochdale, or at least so we thought. The Rochdale 9 have a bit of a reputation for be hard work.

Well let me tell you they are all 10ft drop double locks and complete bas**ards. POS helped me with the first 2 and then was unable to get back on the boat as I locked down Canal Street the gay quarter of Manchester. This photo was the last I saw of her for half an hour.

So POS had to walk the length of Canal Street unaccompanied and I had to do the worst lock I have ever done, and badly, in front of a bar called "Queer City" I was the source of great amusement. POS failed to get propositioned.
To cap it it all it started to rain just as we moored up in the lovely and very trendy Castlefield's Castle Quay. Still at least it waited until we were both quite knac**red so it really didn't matter. Anyway having gone to all that effort to get here we may spend a day sightseeing tomorrow. We will see what the weather brings or what state the aching bodies are in.

Friends Reunited

During our trip we have manged to get together with an old friend of POS, Vicky aka Delphine, well very old actually, not the friend but the fifty odd years they have known each other, plus I was reunited with an old friend, our old boat Water Knight. It's custodians Paul and Ann were coming one way down the Trent and Mersey and we were going the other. So we bumped into each other, luckily not literally! A nostalgic time was had by all! She is in good hands.

The Highs and Lows of Non-Tidal Boating

Yesterday was been a day of highs and lows.

LOW: It started when at 0710  we awoke to pouring rain. Yes, RAIN.

HIGH: However, POS pottered about having tea and feeding Tilly and all was well when I woke for the second time about an hour and a half later. It had stopped raining and the grey sky was starting to break into bits of blue. By 1100 the blue sky and sunshine was complementing the fantastic scenery yet again, setting Cheshire off at its best.

I know amongst some my readers, and you know who you are, there are those that a trip north of the Watford Gap would certainly start nosebleeds!  Well grab a box of Kleenex, keep your held tilted back and go for it!!  Come and see just how beautiful the North is.

HIGH: Later today we arrive at Bugsworth Basin at the end of the Peak Forest Canal. Although the basin is not geographically, and certainly not in mileage, half way, I still feel that Bugsworth Basin has  been the goal of our endeavours and from that point we are on our way home. A big day tomorrow, I feel a glass of champagne may be called for, the first one since leaving Pyrford. I may have to drink POS’s as well.

LOW: Another big disappointment came yesterday when locals and boating guides warned us of aroma emanating from the Swizzle Sweet factory in New Mills on the Peak Forest Canal. You can’t miss it, they say. Can you imagine my disappointment when there was nothing. Surrounded by the smell of Swizzle ‘Lovehearts’ is my idea of heaven. It was Sunday and there was nothing, not even the hint of a Swizzle Fizzer. L

HIGH: The canal at this point is some 500 feet above sea level you feel like you can see Wales to the left and Yorkshire to the right. Marple Junction, at the end of the Macclesfield, is so pretty. Looks like a film set and yet much of it is nearly 200 years old

Here hopefully is a better map of our proposed route over the next week or two

Happy St George's Day

It is most amazing. We have spent the day circumnavigating the most hideous radio/telephone mast construction thingy. It has been on our portside, starboard side, ahead of us and behind us. At one point I swear blind it overtook us. A real blot on the landscape and all the time, needless to say, no Orange. So I have repostioned myself in a pub on the canal about 1 mile from Macclesfield and the Landlord has kindly lent me his laptop (Bombadier 2.70 a pt), So no pictures I am afraid (unless I find some on this that I shouldn't!!)

Happy St George's Day.Today we really have been in England's green and pleasant land. We cannot believe the weather. The sun contiunues to shine. And it is warm. We have  meandered through the beautiful countryside. Farms ,hills and then more farms and more hills. More lambs than you can wave a stick at. Even a farmer waved a cheery wave at us at least I think it was a cheery wave. We did the only locks on the Macclesfield, a flight of twelve, in two and a half hours during which time I also managed to clean the boat while POS was doing locks. Her choice but she is getting very good at it!! We are a great team I say. I am not sure she agrees.

Tomorrow we are going to Macclesfield to try our luck with the bus service to Wilmslow. POS wants to visit Adam's (King and Allen) new shop. So the retail therapy may now take place in Footballers Mall in Wilmslow. Perhaps I will find out why it is called the Cobham of the North. I am sure Macclesfield would have represented much better value :-)  I see financial ruin looming!

Sorry Sorry Sorry…

Sorry Sorry Sorry…

…for not updating the blog. In order to send the written word into the ether I require the world wide web otherwise known as the Internet. That is normally provided by Orange. Except the only orange round here comes in the form of the drink or the colour generated by the many Tanning Studios that have appeared on the High Streets everywhere. I blame it on that Dickinson “it’s a bobby dazzler” fellow from that ‘rag and bone, let’s con some poor OAP out of their family heirlooms’ tv show. Anyway I digress.

Yesterday was one of those ‘shall we turn right or shall we turn left’ days. We went straight on to the Potteries and Stoke on Trent

Today we went through Stoke on Trent and, more interestingly, the Harecastle Tunnel, a tunnel of very nearly 2 miles long with a journey time of about 40 minutes to pass through it. Today was the hottest day so far of our trip. It was like summer. Until we went into the tunnel where it was as cold as a well digger’s bottom. Tilly thought it was night time and went to bed. Pity I couldn’t do the same. 40 minutes staring at ancient brickwork makes one prone to hallucinations.  I kept imagining beer at under £3 a pint

Any way we are through now and onto the Macclesfield Canal (known as the Macky to us ditch-crawlers). What a beautiful canal and we are only a third of the way along it. Tomorrow Macclesfield town and perhaps a bit of retail therapy for POS.

The next map and I apologise for the quality. I will post a better one if I get the chance. From the Macky we go left on to the Peak (having first gone right and then back) the the Ashton, Rochdale, which will take is through the City of Manchester, then on to the Bridgewater southwards and to Wales

A Formal Apology

A couple of years ago POS and I met some people on a narrowboat who had made a vocation of travelling the Inland Waterways of England all 2000 miles of them. There followed the obvious question what was your favourite? The reply was the Macclesfield first the Llangollen second and the Peak third although they were enjoying the River Wey very much. Well today we did a sizeable chunk of the Coventry and it was BEAUTIFUL and I apologise for being unkind about it yesterday. All I can say is those other canals had better be stunning or else! We are presently moored for the night and the view is just like that Windows 'landscape' desktop except without all the silly icons. (Although a recycle bin would be handy)

Down the Plug'ole in Coventry

Today we did a little diversion (nearly 2 hours each way) into the City of Coventry known as the Basin, their description not mine. Bit like selling KFC in a ‘bucket’ Strange choice of word although maybe not in KFC’s case!! The canal was very dirty and the journey would have not been worth the effort if it weren’t for the visits to the old and new cathedrals and the Church of the Holy Trinity next door. If that weren’t enough, that was followed (without POS who had returned to the boat) by a trip to the Coventry Motor Heritage museum. The birthplace of my LGC and they had a TR2 on show which was nearly as nice as mine that is assuming my kids haven’t destroyed it whilst I have been away. I foolishly left the keys in the ignition. Hey-ho it’s only a car I keep telling myself !!

POS rang me while I was there to tell me that a number of drunks had turned up at the boat and were trying to stare her out. Quite what she wanted me to do about it I am not quite sure especially as I was approaching Mach-1 in the Thrust 2 simulator at the time. Anyhow I got back to the boat and they dispersed. That round to POS I think.

What a fantastic sky today, empty of vapour trails and just a gorgeous blue with a few puffy clouds. A ‘Simpson’ sky as POS calls it. Whilst admiring the sunset I received a call from a friend of mine who was at New Haw on his boat and who commented on the crescent moon and very bright Venus below it. What was amazing is that I could see a moon and Venus in Coventry, How coincidental is that?

Some of you are still not quite sure what we are doing and where we are going. We are not sure what we are doing but we are fairly certain we know where we are going. So for the purposes of this part of the journey I attach a map. We came onto the map at the bottom at Banbury and we leave the map at Stoke on Trent at the top left ( at which point I will post a continuation map). I hope this helps.

Having just showered Tilly after she rolled in something rather unpleasant, which covers most things found on the towpath, we are planning our trip  towards Stoke on Trent tomorrow, a trip which should take about 5 days. Picked up a couple of POS's friends from Coventry Basin to lend a hand with the locks !

Old Engine Oil

Yesterday I was so so thirsty that I decided I would drink anything offered and the only thing offered was a pint of Old Engine Oil. And I drank it!! And it was delicious!! And it was chocolaty! And it was velvety!! And it was as black as that well known Irish/Nigerian Lager. So I drank another pint.

May I recommend that if by any chance the same opportunity becomes available to you, then seize it with both arms (or at least one arm) and enjoy. Just make sure it was brewed by Harviestoun.

Didn’t make Coventry Basin today. Just got too cold at five o’clock to keep going. So we stopped at Hawkesbury Junction at the end of the North Oxford Canal just before we turn on to the Coventry Canal bound for Stoke on Trent. Gosh doesn’t it all sound a long long way from home.

Funnily enough as we are moored by a pub, a pint of Old Hooky or Nooky or whatever it is called, seems to be on the wine menu tonight. Already enjoyed a couple of pints of this recently so I hope I will not be disappointed.

This blog could easily turn into an ad for CAMRA (CAMpaign for Real Ale for any of our foreign readers) if I let it. But that would necessitate sampling great quantities of strange sounding brews and that wouldn’t please POS one bit. Could be fun though!!

Decisions, Decisions and Piracy on the High Seas

For the first time today we actually came to a crossroads (or should it be crosscanals?) and we had to make a decision as to whether we should turn left or right. Obviously from the picture ,straight on was not an option!

Thank God for TomTom and we correctly turned left towards Rugby. Where would we be without today’s technology? Well you would be reading this rubbish on a postcard for a start. 

Yesterday we were invaded by a Somalian pirate and a Space Traveller. We had no option but to pay the ransom demand and hand over the ship to the Dastardly Duo and their fiendish leader Toby the Terrible. They generously allowed us to stay on board but only on the condition we provide them with victuals  and generally be at beck and call pandering to their every need. It was great!! 

However with a bit of cunning and a bit of bribery we regained control and then after  a full lifeboat drill a bit of further training in things nautical.....

.......they were soon pulling ropes and working locks. We were sorry to see them go L

Tomorrow Rugby and then into the Coventry Basin. Onward and Upwards !!

POS to First Mate?

I am thinking that POS may have to have a promotion

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pc1cdpWZQKM

I tried to explain that doing the locks was MUCH easier and that steering the boat was REALLY difficult but she wouldn't have any of it!!

A Great Big Kisser!!

Thirty nine years ago on Easter Saturday 1971 POS and I spliced the mainbrace. As a memento of this occasion I contacted the US Air Force at Upper Heyford and arranged for them to do a massive vapour trail kiss for PSO from me for 39 very happy years

The Sky Above Upper Heyford 1500hrs 10th April 2010

I would so much like that to be true but alas it cannot be true on 2 counts:

1)In 1994,once Gaddafi had become the bestest of best mates to the whole world especially the US, the US had no need for the air base at Upper Heyford so they packed up and went home.

2) I could never be that romantic!

Kingfiisher Count

1 pub
2 Boats
2 Bottles of lager(although I wasn't well sighted and they may have been the Greater Spotted Cobra. Trevor?)
10 Birds including 2 by their nest just below Wallingford Bridge

FANTASTIC

Turning the boat round

I know this sounds like a euphomism for "paying a visit" but in this instance I was actually turning the boat round when I lost it, the boat that is. I was parking when the stream got me and took me sideways downstream at some considerable pace towards a gap less than 60ft, the length of Weyward Lady. I had visions of being the new milleneum bridge for the Thames at Abingdon while I waited a few days for the current to subside. As it happens the gap was 60 and a half feet and I went through as if it was quite deliberate and I did it everyday. I don't mind telling you that I was very very lucky and whatever it was I shouldn't have done I won't do it again. Somebody was smiling on me. Waitrose in the morning before we make our way to Oxford. I have promised POS afternoon tea in Oxford on Saturday our 39th wedding anniversary (Happy Anniversary Niick & Linda as well) but we may be there a day early

Using Gmail to comment on this diatribe

I am sorry for those of you who are mad, bad (as in Michael Jackson type Bad)or sad that you feel the need to comment on this Blog rubbish that you have to have a Google Mail account in order to do so. I would like to say, however, that Gmail is FREE and excellent with NO SPAM and a facility to forward any emails from your gmail account to another account which means you never even have to check it. A Gmail account also allows you to store your photos in Picassa (i.e. on the web) for the eventual day when that hard drive, that you store all thos precious photos on,does fail. If you don’t already have an accountYou could chose a special moniker to reflect a hidden side of your personality such as The_Phantom_Rasberry_Blower_of_Old_London_Town@googlemail.co.uk except you can’t have that one because I have already got it!!

The sun'll come out Tomorrow Bet your bottom dollar That tomorrow There'll be sun

It’s official the sun has got its hat on hip hip hip hooray, the sun has got its hat and it’s coming out tomorrow

Nobody has asked me about my “gizmo”. Well let me tell you, dear reader, that it has nearly been 100% successful. It’s just a shame that the little lever that secures the umbrella handle into the tube has dropped off. Today, for the first time since starting our journey it actually rained (only a few spots but enough for trialing purpooses) as we were going along so I thought what a great time to test it. I opened the umbrella and placed it in the tube. Unfortunately with no clip to secure it, the first breath of wind launched the umbrella into the sky (á la Mary Poppins). Once airborne it then flew through the sky (á la Those Magnificent men in their Flying Machines) until it nosedived into the Thames (á la Hunt for Red October) never to be seen again!!


Simon, if you are sad enough to be reading this drivel then I apologise but I will be unable to spread the word, around northern parts of England, of your excellent brokerage house buy means of umbrella advertising. Luckily I still have a Trenchard and Arlidge umbrella to lose but I think we will require some reverse engineering before I attempt another test run.

Mooring in Goring tonight and meeting up with Number 2 son’s girlfriends parents. Might have to eat using a serviette tonight! We probably won't be chosing lamb

Red Boards still but at least some are changing to yellow, however....

 still

Upstream and Downstream boards at the same lock. Guess which way we are going!

Busy Going Nowhere Isn't it Just a Crime?

Oh dear
Red Boards!!
Limped from Staines to Windsor encountering some very choppy water and very strong currents. Still there are worst places than Windsor to get marooned. I am surprised Her Madge wasn't along the towpath waving us in. I would have done the same for her!! Still we are here now and the sun is shining albeit the temperature a tad cold. A whole leg of lamb in the oven should mean we won't starve for a couple of days. How many different ways can you have cooked lamb? Answers on a postcard.. Still it's Bank Holiday tomorrow so that should keep POS out of the expensive shops that seem to proliferate in Windsor High Street. Why do I doubt that last line?

Off We Jolly Go

The day started at 0500 this morning. I would like to say we were woken by the excitement of our forthcoming trip. I would like to say that but the truth is the sound of rain thrashing against the window was the overwhelming factor to our early start. Undaunted we left the marina just after 9. Within a half an hour the sun was out and we were on our way (and no rain for the rest of the day). Amazing! We haveGood Luck messages as we leave the marina and Post delivered direct from a overhead bridge plus countless texts wishing us Bon Voyage. What a memorable day
Saw our first kingfisher at 1.00pm. Ok so it was a pub by Chertsey bridge but one shouldn't be picky. Moored just upstream of Saint Aines in time to watch the Boatrace, get beaten at Scrabble, watch the new Doctor Who and listen to Tony Hancock. The end of a purfick day ( apart from losing at Scrabble).
Hopefully tomorrow night we should be in Marlow but the river is running everso everso fast and going upstream is hard work and painfully slow. The sooner we get on the canals the better. Fingers crossed we don't get "red boarded " tomorrow and get stuck here.

36 Hours and Counting

Lists, list, and more lists. Things we have to remember. We have so many lists that I am now creating lists for the lists. Quite honestly the sooner we set sail the better. If we forget the teabags I am sure we will find somewhere where we can buy some more. Waitrose isn't the sole agent for groceries as far as I am aware! The whole thing feels more like an expedition to the darkest and uncharted waters of the Amazon than a wander round the drifting spires of Oxford and on. Let's just hope there is no similarity especially the weather.
Talking of Amazon and  the weather I bought myself off the tinternet, a little gizmo into which I can clip an umbrella. It fits on the tiller and cost £4.50 inc postage. I cannot believe it will work for one moment and even if it does, at that price it will break in two moments. Still it's only going to rain at night for the next 12 weeks isn't it!!
Just to throw a bit of interest into the agenda there are flood warnings for the Lower Thames. I would be really fed up (and that is an understatement and censored) if we can't get out of the marina on Saturday. I guess we'll be alright though,

Three Days to Go

Took all my clothes down to Weyward Lady today. Great, I managed to get everything into the few wardrobes we have remaining that aren't already filled with all that is necessary to keep a one year old Westie happy.
My cunning plan was foiled when Pretty Officer Sue informed me she needed clothes as well!  Well you could have knocked me down with a feather! How selfish! So I returned home with three of my second favourite pair of chinos and a few other things that maybe I can survive without, such as my dress shirt, bow-tie not to mention the Tux, in order to create that extra required space aboard.
Historically, albeit not deliberately, POS has always maintained  a fairly tight monetary rein in clothes-buying, and that, combined with her somewhat conservative requirements for retail therapy, she has now decided to travel light. I think she thinks that most of her stuff would be better if it were replaced with 'new' en route. ( I see a day trip to Bicester looming on the horizon).
Hopefully by the time the penny drops and she realises what a great opportunity to re-wardrobe this trip is, I (or Tilly) will have filled the rest of the wardrobes and there will be no room on board to house further purchases. That way I can continue to keep the clothes purse locked up!
Dear Reader, why do  I feel that I have more chance in passing a camel through the eye of a needle than my cunning plan working even remotely to my advantage

The Itinerary with no beer no shopping and no fun! I think we may have to allow extra time!!

Our planned journey will take us up the Thames to Oxford then canals to Rugby, Coventry, The Potteries, to Macclesfield including the Peak Canal finishing our outward journey South of Manchester. We return through Shropshire. If enough time we will do a little sortie into Wales (Llangollen) before on  to Worcester, Stratford upon Avon, back on to the Oxford Canal and home

Total distance is 635 miles and 436 locks. There are at least 79 moveable bridges of which 42 are usually left open; 48 small aqueducts or underbridges; 11 tunnels and 5 major aqueducts.


This is made up of 398 miles of narrow canals; 29 miles of broad canals; 48 miles of small rivers; 159 mile of large rivers; 319 narrow locks; 67 broad locks; 50 large locks.

This will take 323 hours, 31 minutes which is 46 days, 1 hour and 31 minutes at 7 hours per day. For calculation purposes this is taken as 46 days. This means 1 hour for lunch and no beer and no shopping. I think not! It's a good job we've allowed for almost twice the amount of time. That's a lot of beer and a lot of shopping. And a hopefully lot of fun

One week to go

One week to go and not panicking ...yet! Boats waxed and weady and waring to go. I wish I could say the same

Ready and Waiting

Ready and Waiting

Two weeks to go

They say time spent in preparation is time seldom wasted. We are certainly not wasting time! Every moment seems to be taken up planning what we/I need. I can't even begin to tell you how many wires are required just to keep everything charged. Why they can't be all the same I will never understand.